Wednesday, June 7, 2017

T.Notes #21: Drifters

I have come to appreciate -
sadly out of first hand experience
that one reason why some slowly drift away
and eventually abandon every inclination to religious faith,
is the persistent failure to 'get your shit together' - despite every best effort.

Some words are easy to pen down -
such as these ones.
But the reality of such experiences are long, hard and desperate struggles to get a grip of your own archilles heels.

So people drift....and drift....bobbing further away from innocence until eventually the idea of giving up makes perfect sense.
The sexually astute amongst us number in these category.

And the frightening fact is that,
if we were to account for righteousness by how hard each one fought to attain or maintain it,
then all of heaven would belong to these rejects.

But god forbid that we even try to justify the sluts amongst us.

My reading list has been taken over by spam blogs hence I'm losing track of my favourite blog updates!
Anyone know how to quickly fix this?

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

T.Notes #20: Notes on the successful migrant

I finally got my own window office with skyline City view, a fancy title and a new reality that feels awkward to walk in - mostly because they told us we would never get this far. The narrative i've always known and accepted is the one of unrelenting struggles in undignified uniforms armed with a pungent toilet brush. My point is, that view is a one sided story and maybe it's worthwhile sharing the other narrative seeing as i have no identity to make boast for.

Last week we had a celebratory party with like minded young Africans living and thriving abroad and pondered if we were just lucky or if there is a worthwhile generic formular for the successful migrant. Ofcourse my defination of success may well differ from yours, but here a few notes from our arguments.

1.What's going on here?
Start with a honest appraisal of your own situation. If you honestly feel like your life is going nowhere, it's worthwhile considering trying your luck outside of your home country. Immigration is not a new or even noble idea. Americans, Jews, Indians, Pakistanis all have had histories of migration. The important detail if you choose to relocate is to do it legitimately - which ofcourse is the first and possibly toughest bridge to cross. Ultimately you're looking for a valid work visa and there are various ardous (but not impossible) routes to achieve this. Don't however put your life on hold - carry on with life's hustle and burn the night candles doing your research. I always say it's not a do or die affair but if it works out - game on.

2. Get a degree and then some
The competitive advantage of foreigners in the West still lies in educational degrees. We haven't come far at all from the storyline of hidden figures. Indians thrive in IT because they understand and hold appropriate qualifications. Nigerians thrive in banks and project management because we typically own a hustle mindset, our motivations are never far from money and our qualifications often revolve around accounting, finance and law. There are indeed people who follow the unconventional route but in my opinion, if you're making such a massive decision, you're better off taking the road more often travelled then hoping to become Jidenna. I'm aware that i may be biased in my opinion here because this is the circle of people i know.

3. On a wing and a prayer
My faith these days is in tender pieces but i cannot deny the providence involved in the various ascents that have led to this place. It is not rocket science that the odds will always be stacked against you. What are the odds that your applications will be approved, or that you'll get an executive job interviewing by a closet racist? What are the odds that you'll ever in your wildest dreams buy a house in new jersey....and the list goes on - all against the backdrop of a worsening national identity. The detail here is not in holding faith to get stuff but in getting stuff because you have faith.

4. Getting that job.

I'll continue this later if it is useful to anybody. If you do have any questions, give a shout in the comments.

Disclaimer: I do not have it all figured out. Life and success is like the wind - here today and a downturn guzzles it all away tomorrow. So these notes only relate to my journeys and understandings so far.

Monday, April 17, 2017

T.Notes #19: Where angels fall

I used to memorise fine lines of Scripture until i met you
Now even in my sleep i recite every fine contour of your cursed curves.
I used to believe in the hands of 23 and 91 - mighty to save
Now after bloodied hands mangled in good bye tears, I'm numbed like silenced heart monitors and incomplete blog posts.
So this is where grace falls apart?

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

T.Notes #18: Your every desire and more

Probably the most troubling thing (for me) about living in the West, is the simple fact that every imaginable desire is within reach - with a price tag. So, as far as your mind can imagine, you can have it - literally knocking on your door by evening.

Sunday, July 31, 2016

T.Notes #17: Edit - 360 randoms or not

Last night, we found a local banku joint and allowed the day idle away until the canteens closed shops and the kitchen stewards exchanged their utensils for stilettoes and flavored condoms - offering untold delights to our eager white tourists. We said, may life not force you to lose faith in simple things like...hope and a God of justice.

And heaven pardon those intoxicated nights of reggae dancehall and konshens - with cheap alcohol damning every typical boundary of decency. Skin, sweat and inhibited sexuality of total strangers mangled into each other. The local choir next door reminding us that we were bruking off our souls closer to damnation. Those days we'd go any lengths just to feel alive - as if holding our own lives by its cuffs and acting out just to get heaven's attention.

Truths. This year has been rough, I'm still trying to make sense of it all. Thanks to everyone who checked up. We lost a dear friend recently. I watched her literally ebb away despite every effort and every urgent prayer for mercy. I do not get God. And whilst I've been saying all the right words to everyone else, the truth is that s*&'s really fu&*ed me up. The extent of the damage runs deep. May life not leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

On a lighter note to the blokes. If you are blessed with large size equipments, then please don't join the skinny jeans parade...just don't. The reasons for this are obvious, lest i say more than is necessary. Blog rounds in a bit! But drop a hello below and let's catchup folks - It's been a bit of long minute.

But nevertheless, when I awake, I am still with you.

Tnotes blog

Saturday, April 30, 2016

T.Notes #16: About missing you....

The thing about death is that stark reality that the person is...gone.
You will not hear her voice again,
You will search for his face in the crowd and will never find it.
There's just that emptiness, a nothingness in the space that your departed used to occupy.
You want to grief for the rest of eternity,
but you know that will not do justice to a person who fully embraced life and laughter.

So this is me alternating all over places of very brief laughter and a constantly gnawing ache,
desperately searching for answers that will never come.
I have set out and understood a lot about life,
But this one, stumps me completely.
They say time heals, but God forbid that i forget all that you are.
So this here, is an imperfect note.....
That one person who's made me all the man that i am today.

Nothing comes from nothing,
Nothing ever could
For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good.....Something good.

About missing you......

Sunday, April 3, 2016

T.Notes #15: About the neighbours....

My night was cut short by 4am because my neighbour was busy.

It wasn't so much her activities but the intensity of the whole thing. It was loud and rough and she was screaming and cursing amidst the intermittent palms on cheek insolence.

She is such a decent professional girl during the day but the things she was saying was 100% nasty. Yes everybody appreciates good feedback but, words like...*&^$#..are just a little bit OTT.

The problem now is this morning,  I am quietly trying to enjoy a Sunday morning breakfast but I can still hear all those cursewords ringing loud in my head. And tommorow morning we will meet briefly in the garage spaces on the way to work and i'm not sure if to remind her that the walls are really thin especially at night.....or to give her a thumbs up for her quality feedback.

Blog round and comments in a bit. Trust you guys are all good...Let's catchup, it's been a minute.