Sunday, June 29, 2014

14 for 14: About friends who become strangers…and a crazy Ghanaian blogger.

If Scarlet were to read this note, I bet she’d think this song is about her….I’d prefer to think that this note is more postively about Dentaa, one crazy Ghanaian blogger.

Dentaa spoke sometime about a certain someone who slowly fizzled from being a friend, into an acquaintance then disappeared altogether into a total stranger….and at the end of the day, she reckoned, that was just fine.

I’m not sure I ever really understood how friends degenerate into total strangers, and much less, how someone just disappears. I guess you never think about it when you are the guilty party that has intentionally broken the bonds of relationship. After all, we have candid reasons for those instances.

Like how it is ok to fall out with friends from youth because life happens as we grow up and go our separate ways. If I bumped into a childhood friend on a frizzy Wednesday afternoon, we’d have a cheerful moment of ‘Ooh,...look at you!...Wow, what’s been going on?!...We should catch up properly sometime..’, etc….then we’d go our separate ways with fond memories of childish pranks of peeping up girl’s skirts together….and that would be the end of that…a cozy smile to end a busy Wednesday…and like Dentaa said, that would be just fine.

But it’s different when we grow up and fall out with someone. Because the friends we make are more intentional, and with supposed benefit of hindsight. Your life has become your bubble, and you are intentional about the kinds of persons you want to include into your precious habitat. Someone like Scarlet….

You know how they say friends can become strangers just as easily as strangers can become friends. I agreed to meet up with Scarlet tomorrow, with vague plans of catching up and giving another purposeful effort to mend the fragmented pieces of what used to be a reasonably golden friendship. But thinking about the situation with Scarlet and thinking about Dentaa’s wise words, I sent a brief message today cancelling the lunch plan, with a vague excuse of work pressures.

I got a letter at work. I still struggle to understand how I’m now supposed to act at this new level. I go into a meeting and people expect me to have a valid opinion. They ask a question and turn to me for an opinion that will drive the business forward…decisions that inform business strategy for a company on the LSE. Problem is after these meetings, I have often looked into the mirror, and all I see is the novice child from yesterday playing grown-up. Except that we are no longer kids.

So when Scarlet asked us to meet up and catch up...It felt like kids playing commitment hide & go-seek. But that’s just the thing….as we grow up, you tend to need only people that are reliable in your sphere. You stop having time to chase anybody to be a part of the bubble that you’re doing your best to keep rolling along.

There are a few things that I do know about life. But I’ll admit that I am yet to understand how someone eats with you on a Sunday evening in your home, then refuses to acknowledge you on a Monday.. and how it boils your manly ego. I usually need to process events before I can react, so the problem lies when I cannot rationally explain a falling out. But Dentaa is right. This note should not even be validating or seeking to understanding Scarlet. And this note ought to be more Nigerian and forthrightly point such persons to the direction of the closest transformer. You know that relief when you curse someone out in Yoruba and finish off with a proper ‘waka, e no go better for you!’, and you feel awesome! Except that you can’t do that in a ‘civilised environment’. So you fake a smile, and do your best to keep calm and carry on whilst seething within.

So this note is not about Scarlet, instead this note is more positively about Dentaa,crazy Ghanaian blogger who reminds me to say it like it is. Afterall, irrespective of location or occupation, we are still afterall African to the teeth.

Intro: The 14-for-14 challange by Janyl. (Click here to familiarize yourelf with the '14 for 14 challenge'). I recently accepted this challenge to go on a quest searching for brand new blogs...with the bull-headed conviction that all creativty is not lost within the nigeria-blogsphere. And also desperate to prove that, contrary to recently popular opinion, not all of the new blog pages are uninteresting (to put it mildly). This is my sixth post into that journey.